Nightscapes #17 is online, although I'm late in mentioning it.

I don't have anything in this one.  Issue #17 is a special Christmas issue.

Maybe I should try to escape the blogging blahs by catching up on these, and writing something creative again for a change.

Planet Earth requires a Homeworld Eldritch Advisory System to provide a comprehensive and effective means to disseminate information regarding the risk of nameless rites of black sorcery to Federal, State, and local authorities and to the people of Earth. Such a system would provide warnings in the form of a set of graduated "Threat Conditions" that would increase as the risk of the threat increases. At each Threat Condition, Federal departments and agencies would implement a corresponding set of "Unspeakable Measures" to further reduce vulnerability, increase response capability, and/or offer placation to the Great Old Ones during a period of heightened alert.

This system is intended to create a common arcane vocabulary, context, and structure for an ongoing worldwide discussion about the nature of the eldritch threats that confront the homeworld and the appropriate protective measures that should be taken in response. It seeks to inform and facilitate decisions appropriate to different levels of government and to private citizens at home, at work, and in their basement dens of accursed sorcery.




I.  Elder Sign (Green).  This condition is declared when there is a low risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., the stars are wrong).  Clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures they implement:
   1. Refining and exercising as appropriate preplanned protective sigils, signs, glyphs of warding and defensive circles;
   2. Ensuring personnel receive access to various nameless tomes of eldritch lore along with proper training in reading and understanding the blasphemous wisdom contained therein without going completely mad; and
   3. Institutionalizing a process to assure that all facilities and personnel are regularly assessed for deteriorating sanity which inevitably results from such training.


II.  Dagon (Blue).  This condition is declared when there is a general risk of preternatural incursions, including but not limited to increased activity among certain malign esoteric cults, especially in areas with easy access to coastal waters.  Clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures they implement:
   1.  Infiltration of esoteric cults by personnel with impeccable human lineage that can be traced back at least 20 generations;
   2.  Blanket bombing of coastal reefs with depth charges, especially off the coast of Massachusetts; and
   3.  Denying the public any information of preternatural activities whatsoever lest they all think you to be completely insane.


III.  Cthulhu (Yellow).  This condition is declared when there is a significant risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., the stars are temporarily right).  In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
   1.  Increasing surveillance of critical locations, particularly everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W (i.e., R'lyeh);
   2.  Complete separation of agencies involved since you don't know who you can trust, and They may be masquerading as Us;
   3.  Correlation of the logs of south Pacific freighters with the dreams of New England artists and poets and with blasphemous voodoo rites performed in noisome Louisiana swamps; and
   4.  Implementing, as appropriate, contingency and emergency response plans, including but not limited to complete nuclear obliteration of everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W.


IV.  Nyarlathotep (Orange).  This condition is declared when there is a high risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., shoggoths are oozing loose in the streets and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl).  In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
   1. Immediately cease all coordinating activity with all federal, state, local and independent agencies, because They are now everywhere;
   2. Taking additional precautions at public events, especially those featuring extremely attractive and persuasive male speakers who tend to shapeshift suddenly and devour everyone within tentacle range;
   3. Preparing to execute contingency measures, including but not limited to striking bargains with extra-terrene entities (i.e., the Fungi from Yuggoth) for transportation to outer planets via brain cylinder or transposal to parallel dimensions unseen (at this condition level human sacrifice may be performed if necessary); and
   4.  Restricting threatened areas to expendable personnel only.


V.  Azathoth (Red).  This condition is declared when there is an immediate and dire threat of preternatural incursions into this dimension and on planet Earth (e.g., the stars are right, something has swallowed the moon, and Black Pharoah has been chosen supreme ruler of Earth by acclamation).  The Protective Measures for a Condition Azathoth are not intended to be sustained for substantial periods of time, will require enormous personal human sacrifice, and result in widespread insanity across the general populace.  In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
   1.  Activation of final defense, i.e., the giant magical pentagon of protection commonly known as The Pentagon in the United States.  It might save a few people.  For a little while;
   2.  Immediate nuclear obliteration of the entire Massachusetts coast including coastal waters up to but not limited to 10 miles from land, as well as complete nuclear obliteration of everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W.  It won't stop Them, but it will be our last chance to blast a few of those fish-faced bastards into oblivion;
   3.  Hide.  Hide wherever you can, in whatever you can.  Cast a personal circle of protection if you want.  It may give you a few precious extra minutes; and
   4.  Scream.  It won't help, but what else are you gonna do?

Technorati Tags: Lovecraft, Cthulhu, parody, terror alert system

I got around to doing a book hunt that's been bugging me for a while.  A book I knew I had, but had misplaced.  I had scanned all the pix from this book a long time ago but lost them all in a crash and was starting to think of uses for the scans again.  The book is S. Petersen's Field Guide to Cthulhu Monsters:  A Field Observer's Handbook of Preternatural Entities.

One odd thing is that inside the back cover was a folded-up map of the Dreamlands.  Where did it come from?  I know it didn't come with this book.  It doesn't look like it was ever attached to anything.  It must have come with something else, but I don't know what.

Anyway, I can always use some of these for certain decor.  I might even make myself a couple of t-shirts if I can stay under the Ch**s**m radar.

The thing on the left was described but never named by Lovecraft.  After his death, one of his cronies borrowed the critter and called it a byakhee.  I think that the only original Lovecraft story it appears in is The Festival.

BobG left a comment about this movie.

I had actually blogged about this movie in the past (click here for the old posts).

When I figured out that it was only being used as some kind of sermon about homosexuality, I pretty much put it in the "I may now feel free to ignore this" file.

BobG also said that just once he'd like to see someone do a decent version of one of his books.

Well, I can recommend one:  The Call of Cthulhu.  Click that link to read my review of it, or click here to go to the movie's website where you can order the DVD.

I would like to make one thing very clear, so I'm going to shout.  Cover your ears.

THERE IS A GRAPHIC AT THE SITE THAT REVIEWS THE MOVIE "CTHULHU" WITH TORI SPELLING.  THAT GRAPHIC IS NOT FROM THAT MOVIE.  THAT GRAPHIC BELONGS TO THE FOLKS WHO CREATED THE MOVIE "THE CALL OF CTHULHU" WHICH I HIGHLY RECOMMEND.  SOMEONE GRABBED THIS GRAPHIC, BUT IT IS NOT FROM THAT MOVIE.

You may visit a gallery of graphics from the good movie The Call of Cthulhu by going here.  At this gallery, you will actually see the graphic that the other people snatched to illustrate their site. 

They didn't even credit the source or bother to say that the graphic doesn't go with the movie they're talking about.  Sheesh.

I just don't want anyone to get these two movies confused.

I recommend to anyone who wants to see a good Lovecraft movie to go to The Call of Cthulhu and order the DVD for yourself.

Also irritating is that they seem to have decided that the original story is anti-homosexual just because this movie version has been perceived as such (typical militant over-reaction of heterophobes).  It seems to me that, since the creator of this movie is gay (read the old posts about it if you want), he re-wrote the original story to provide a metaphor for persecution of gays.

Sexual orientation, or anything else having to do with sex, has no part in this story.  Just like every other story Lovecraft ever wrote.  He just didn't write about that kind of stuff.

This is way more blogging that I planned to do today, but I felt like I needed to set things straight.

Oh, by the way, the movie Cthulhu with Tori Spelling (the gay movie) is not a re-write of The Call of Cthulhu.  It's a re-write of The Shadow Over Innsmouth.  It would have been more accurate to call it Dagon.  However, there was already a movie by that name, based on a book by the same name.  I've never seen the movie, but if it's anything like the book, it sucked.  Big time.  Someone would have to hold a gun to my head to force me to sit through the movie.