Please forgive me.

In an unexpected release today, producers of the upcoming James Bond movie Casino Royale have stated that star Daniel Craig will not be armed with Bond's trademark Walther pistol--or any other firearm for that matter. The new Bond will overcome evil armed only with his wits and the smug self-righteous assurance so common among British movie heroes.

...Spoiler Alert!...

Insiders have leaked a brief description of some of the final scenes, when Bond confronts his newest nemesis.

Bond: I say, old chap. You can't go around taking over the world like this. After all, you haven't been duly sanctioned by the United Nations, and all that.

Arch-Villian: By Jove, Bond! How right you are! How could I have been so foolish as to think I could dominate the world with my gang of heavily armed thugs, a small arsenal of nuclear weapons, and enough biotoxin to wipe out half of Asia and the northern third of Madagascar? When there you stand, so proud and confident, smirking at me so disdainfully! I submit to you, Bond, you are the better man!

In other related stories...

British authorities today revealed that footage taken from a London-area surveillance camera shows that a gun used in a recent street shooting was actually being held in a human hand. The hand was apparently aiming the weapon while applying pressure to the trigger in order to cause it to fire, according to sources.

"Frankly, we are stunned," said Detective Lookout of the Yard. "For several decades now we have operated under the assumption that firearms were capable of operating themselves. This is a new development that will have to be seriously studied to see if we can duplicate the event."

Another unnamed source said that many British officers were not only stunned, but "shocked and stunned."

Also, the International Martini Lobby expressed outrage that the new Bond prefers his martinis "straight up." Gin sales fell today as martini-drinkers across the U.K. fell into confusion over how they should prepare their drinks.

Any case of self-defense is good news to me. But the reporter(s) do some things wrong here.

The Reading Eagle reports:

A Reading man used an electric stun gun on another man in what police said Tuesday is the first case of a city civilian using the weapon on another in self-defense.

Allen Steffy, 26, fired the device, called a Taser, at Gregory Dameron, 25, inside a residence Monday night in the 900 block of Washington Street, police said.

Stop right there. I'm surprised I had two of these, two days in a row, but a stun gun is not a Taser. Get your facts straight, if you have a modicum of intelligence.

Police in Berks County have used the device several times to subdue and arrest people.

Dameron was pummeling Steffy during a domestic dispute when Steffy used the device, police said.

The electric discharge did not stop Dameron's assault and he later stopped beating Steffy when the resident, Robin Mayberry, 28, and others separated the men, investigators said.

Steffy is Mayberry's boyfriend, and Dameron is her former boyfriend, police said.

Dameron of the 400 block of South Fifth Street was charged with assault, burglary, trespass and related offenses in a warrant issued by District Judge Deborah P. Lachina in Reading Central Court.

He is to be arraigned when he is released from St. Joseph Medical Center. Police said Dameron was being treated there Tuesday for a stab wound to the left side, also inflicted by Steffy.

It is legal to buy stun weapons, which cost at least $300.

"Like most things, it can be purchased off the Internet," said Capt. Francis F. Drexler of the criminal investigations division.

So what? What the hell difference does it make if it can be purchased off the Internet or not? You already said it's legal to buy them, so who cares where you get them from?

"People are allowed to buy them and use them to defend themselves and their property," he said. "When it is used in an unlawful manner, then it is illegal."

Stun guns are considered prohibited offensive weapons when they are carried or used during a crime. Convicted felons cannot legally possess stun guns or handguns, Drexler said.

Pretty much just like a baseball bat or a piece of garden hose filled with sand--if it was used during a crime.

Police said Steffy is not a convicted felon.

Taser International, the largest seller of the devices, checks the background of buyers for felonies and serious misdemeanors, a company official said.

"If you buy our device, we're going to run you through a background check," spokesman Steve Tuttle said. "You've got to provide a valid Social Security identification and we verify your credit card."

Translation: Rats, he's not a felon, and Taser International even runs background checks to cover their own butts. There's nothing we can get him on.

It's not anti-gun bias. It's anti-self-defense bias.