This system is intended to create a common arcane vocabulary, context, and structure for an ongoing worldwide discussion about the nature of the eldritch threats that confront the homeworld and the appropriate protective measures that should be taken in response. It seeks to inform and facilitate decisions appropriate to different levels of government and to private citizens at home, at work, and in their basement dens of accursed sorcery.


I. Elder Sign (Green). This condition is declared when there is a low risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., the stars are wrong). Clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures they implement:
1. Refining and exercising as appropriate preplanned protective sigils, signs, glyphs of warding and defensive circles;
2. Ensuring personnel receive access to various nameless tomes of eldritch lore along with proper training in reading and understanding the blasphemous wisdom contained therein without going completely mad; and
3. Institutionalizing a process to assure that all facilities and personnel are regularly assessed for deteriorating sanity which inevitably results from such training.

II. Dagon (Blue). This condition is declared when there is a general risk of preternatural incursions, including but not limited to increased activity among certain malign esoteric cults, especially in areas with easy access to coastal waters. Clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures they implement:
1. Infiltration of esoteric cults by personnel with impeccable human lineage that can be traced back at least 20 generations;
2. Blanket bombing of coastal reefs with depth charges, especially off the coast of Massachusetts; and
3. Denying the public any information of preternatural activities whatsoever lest they all think you to be completely insane.

III. Cthulhu (Yellow). This condition is declared when there is a significant risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., the stars are temporarily right). In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
1. Increasing surveillance of critical locations, particularly everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W (i.e., R'lyeh);
2. Complete separation of agencies involved since you don't know who you can trust, and They may be masquerading as Us;
3. Correlation of the logs of south Pacific freighters with the dreams of New England artists and poets and with blasphemous voodoo rites performed in noisome Louisiana swamps; and
4. Implementing, as appropriate, contingency and emergency response plans, including but not limited to complete nuclear obliteration of everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W.

IV. Nyarlathotep (Orange). This condition is declared when there is a high risk of preternatural incursions (e.g., shoggoths are oozing loose in the streets and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl). In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
1. Immediately cease all coordinating activity with all federal, state, local and independent agencies, because They are now everywhere;
2. Taking additional precautions at public events, especially those featuring extremely attractive and persuasive male speakers who tend to shapeshift suddenly and devour everyone within tentacle range;
3. Preparing to execute contingency measures, including but not limited to striking bargains with extra-terrene entities (i.e., the Fungi from Yuggoth) for transportation to outer planets via brain cylinder or transposal to parallel dimensions unseen (at this condition level human sacrifice may be performed if necessary); and
4. Restricting threatened areas to expendable personnel only.

V. Azathoth (Red). This condition is declared when there is an immediate and dire threat of preternatural incursions into this dimension and on planet Earth (e.g., the stars are right, something has swallowed the moon, and Black Pharoah has been chosen supreme ruler of Earth by acclamation). The Protective Measures for a Condition Azathoth are not intended to be sustained for substantial periods of time, will require enormous personal human sacrifice, and result in widespread insanity across the general populace. In addition to the Unspeakable Measures taken in the previous threat conditions, clandestine federal departments and secret university-backed independent agencies should consider the following general measures in addition to the agency-specific Unspeakable Measures that they will develop and implement:
1. Activation of final defense, i.e., the giant magical pentagon of protection commonly known as The Pentagon in the United States. It might save a few people. For a little while;
2. Immediate nuclear obliteration of the entire Massachusetts coast including coastal waters up to but not limited to 10 miles from land, as well as complete nuclear obliteration of everything within a 1,000-mile radius of latitude 49° 9' S, longitude 126° 43'W. It won't stop Them, but it will be our last chance to blast a few of those fish-faced bastards into oblivion;
3. Hide. Hide wherever you can, in whatever you can. Cast a personal circle of protection if you want. It may give you a few precious extra minutes; and
4. Scream. It won't help, but what else are you gonna do?
Technorati Tags: Lovecraft, Cthulhu, parody, terror alert system














