Gun violence took a deadly toll on Democratic Underground last night when yet another of Bongo Marie’s* arguments was brutally shot down by an armed Democrat. Gun control advocates on America’s most popular progressive political discussion board have been in a state of panic for weeks now, afraid to voice their ideas in public for fear of being mercilessly rebutted by the many self-defense supporters who frequent the forum.

Bongo Marie and her associates have urged administrators to ban “assault anecdotes:” pieces of evidence supporting gun rights that can be quickly presented and do massive damage to the anti-gun cause.

“Some of the evidence these gun nuts are packing is just insane,” said one gun-grabber, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I’ve heard them citing FBI statistics, talking about how Eleanor Roosevelt owned a revolver, stuff like that. It’s just crazy. I mean, last night one of them mentioned that the first gun control measures were part of the Jim Crow laws! That’s not fair—no one needs to cite facts that compelling. Guns are evil and that’s all there is to it.”